Hell of a Coincidence

So today’s post probably won’t have any lessons learned out of it; no words of wisdom… This is more of a “holy crap what happened last night and what is the universe trying to tell me?” kinda post. More so, I just felt the need to get the words out of my head.

Yesterday would have been the 19th anniversary of my marriage to Iris; if it hadn’t ended… mostly by my part because of my infidelity (yes, there’s always fault on both sides, but I broke the camel’s back. Especially the second time, as it was more emotional than sexual (more clues for my later self analysis and introspection and more confirmation that I was poly)). Now I didn’t confess that for nothing; it is integral to the story that I’m telling.

So let’s get back to it… For the most part now, Iris and I have a better relationship than most people have with their Xs; but it wasn’t an easy road to get here. Lately, we try to spend time here and there to have a drink, talk about stuff; mainly the kids, sometimes about the past, and most of time, what is going on in our lives and helping each other out with a different perspective as when used to when we were married. That is a great thing to have, no matter with whom.

But every year, our anniversary weighs heavy on our hearts (at least mine; and I get the impression it does for her as well). This year I was determined not to let the past weigh so heavily on me. This time, I decide I should spend it with someone I care about that is in the present; so I asked Darla to spend the evening with me. (Now, I’m not just saying this because I know Darla will read this post, but Darla is pretty amazing and I’m very happy to have her in my life and grateful this amazing woman also chooses to spend time with me.) The plan was to take advantage of the time to test the her intercom system that I had to reset with mine and I could do a run of the motorcycle to make sure the repairs I did over the past few days were truly successful.

That evening, we take a ride to a neighboring city’s downtown park as I want to pick up a Pokemon Go Field Research task from a stop in the park (don’t judge; it’s still a fun game and it keeps me out and about 🙂 ). Once there and the task picked up, Darla and I take advantage being there to walk the park and enjoy the beautiful cooler evening. After a bit, we end up at the front of the park and Darla steps ahead to stop and read up on a historical object on display. Standing there waiting for her, I look up from playing PoGo and see a very familiar woman on the phone walking her dog. As she walks past, our eyes meet and there is the briefest flicker of recognition.

Holy Shit. It is her! WTF?! What is she doing here walking her dog like she lives here and does this every night and not at home in a neighboring city with her husband? Why would the universe have me cross paths with someone I have not seen in over 5 years (nor have I wanted to)  and was not only instrumental in contributing to the death of my marriage, but also worked at destroying Iris to the point of making her question her sanity? & why on this day; which would have been the anniversary?!

By this time I’m visibly shaken. I always imagined this day would come, but I never really knew how I would feel or what I would want to do. So many conflicting feelings and memories are coursing through me, but thankfully I can look over and see Darla just a bit away and I can ground myself in the present. Suddenly, it’s clear that I can let that past stay back there. Am I still shaken and somewhat in a daze? Sure. But I’m grounded. I can walk over, reach for Darla; hug, kiss and feel intimacy and comfort from her in this present.

Of course I tell Darla what happened. And as a testament to how awesome she is, she listens and we discuss with no judgment, anger or jealousy. I on the other hand am still trying to reconcile that of all days, in a metropolitan area of millions of people, our paths crossed again.

…and the past continued to walk away with her dog; still talking on the phone.

Epilogue:
I don’t believe in fate per se. After a couple of quick Facebook searches, I’m was able to determine that she and her husband have separated. So it makes sense (to the logical and reasoning mind that I am and with the information I know) that she would now live somewhere next to the train station that takes her to work. And apparently she kept the dog; So if she’s living in one of the many apartments nearby, she would need to walk the dog regularly; and how convenient living somewhere with a park across the street. So OK, my mind is feeling better now, but it is still a hell of a coincidence that Darla and I ended up there when she would walk the dog. One of the things I told Darla about, was how this woman manipulated Iris. myself (I’m not saying I was a victim, just that I made some very bad choices because of it), and our friend circle and almost succeeded in driving Iris literally crazy so she could replace her as my partner and mother to our kids!

This is why I needed to get these words out of my head and into this blog. While I’m sure there’s still a part of my heart that remembers and yearns the emotional intensity we had; the other part that’s broken and my head will always want this reminder that in this case, there is no going back. This particular past needs to stay there for I have an amazing present.

OMC

What’s happened to us?

Hey all. I’m still working on some words… there’s a lot to sift through, organize and write about. But I had some thoughts tonight while working on my motorcycle (prepping for a trip with Darla to ride the Talimena Skyway… Yes, Darla, Diana is no longer in the picture… but more on that in a later post)

So back to my thoughts… I’m perusing Facebook (necessary evil and guilty pleasure/time waster) and for the record, I try my best to not have my FB wall be an echo chamber of my own ideology. Unless I unfriend or block someone continually posting toxic and vile spew, there is a wide spectrum of political and religious viewpoints that come across my feed. I find it helps me see what other people think and believe so I can try to understand them better and in turn, be more accepting and tolerant.

Anyway, If you haven’t heard yet, Netflix has signed a multi-million dollar and multi-year contract with the Obama’s for a new show. Apparently this has stirred the ire of a very Republican/Conservative former coworker who shared the following post from a Right-Winged political site: Image may contain: 2 people, people smiling, text
with the text:
“Paying $14/month to watch the Obamas on my television? HELL NO!”
(I won’t get into the hypocrisy of Obama bashing by Republicans and Conservatives and save us all a headache.)

When I see this, the first thought that ran through my head was, “Who cares?”. Then, “Why would you boycott Netflix over one show?” Well, apparently this FB friend cared and would. OK, let’s go to the comments and see what other people are saying about it; maybe even say something to the effect that if you don’t like it, don’t watch it; move on with your life; be happy and don’t waste the energy over it. (& I did post “Or you could choose not to watch it and enjoy the other entertainment they provide. Just saying.” (I never said tact was my strong suit))

Well, the comments from their friend group that followed were of the opinion that they would cancel Netflix (shocker). Even worse, were the comments on the political site itself; but we’ll let that be. Only one person of the many of their friend group liked my comment.

So to the point, When did we become so polarized as a country and as people that we can’t even have the decency to just let things be anymore? It’s ok to not agree with something and move on. Don’t like the Obama’s, fine. I don’t care if you do or don’t. And truthfully, why should you care if they have a show or not? You can chose not to watch it and move on with your life and watch other shows on Netflix. There are many shows and celebrities I despise; guess what? I’m not cancelling Netflix to spite them; too much other good entertainment I choose to watch and I can easily ignore the ones I don’t want to.

Tolerance and Understanding. These are virtues we can’t lose sight of as a country, society and people. Especially in these times where it’s apparently become ‘acceptable’ to hate again. Make a difference in your own life and circle. If you come across something that doesn’t quite match with your belief or ideology (& it’s not truly hurting someone), let it be; or better yet, strive to learn and under stand it better. In the end, you may still not agree with it, but you’ll then have the knowledge and experience to better understand others that do.

Go forth and be a better person.
omc

It’s been exactly two years….

…Since I last posted here and is seems a rehash of the same excuses from back then. Life, work and other priorities have kept me from doing this simple thing that helps keep me sane. An avenue to clarity of the mind and thoughts. Let’s see if I can keep this in the forefront for a while. There’s a lot to catch up on and discuss; so I’ll start working on it and post soon enough.

Life… & Sadness

Well it’s been busy and has been keeping my from posting as regularly as I have wanted to. At first it’s been bugging me, but I’ve always been the type of person that can justify not doing something due to other priorities (whether they were actually priorities or not). Not updating this blog fell into ‘not a priority’ in the past couple of month. But, it really wasn’t hurting anything except my pride and promise to myself.

Too many times we do this to ourselves… we put something aside even though it’s something that we must do. Usually something to benefit ourselves, others or our relationship with them. But what if by not doing something, we hurt ourselves and those around us? Wouldn’t you give more priority to what needs to be done?!

Tonight I learned a good friend that I had lost contact with over the years committed a horrific act that I will not recount here; although you could read about it in the news along with too many horrific acts committed by strangers everyday. Yet, to me, he’s not a stranger. He’s a person I went on countless mountain bike rides with, spent many hours eating drinking and enjoying life with. A person I called a friend and was proud to know.

What happened to lead him to this? I don’t know. I know that last we had seen each other, he had been in and out of tough places (figuratively) that life had been forcing them into. But how many of the dark and tough places he was in were due to his own making? I don’t know if he was suffering from any mental illnesses, but I’m sure I will find out in the days to come. Either way, mutual friends had reached out and offered help. But we are stubborn and don’t listen or take assistance when offered. Yet, at what point do you tell yourself that you need help or allow everyone that has been offing to help or saying you need to do so?

I can’t help but wonder, if he was able to realize that he needed help and did something about it and not put it off, would there have been a different outcome; a happier one?

Usually when those we cared about are gone, we can celebrate the good. Yet, my memories of him are now forever tarnished by the horrific acts he committed. All I can do is weep into my drink that I poured not in his memory, but of the lives shattered and the sadness that is now in all our hearts.

Is there a ‘take-away’? I don’t know. Maybe if there is one, it’s don’t be afraid to ask for or receive help. Is pride worth the damage that could be caused by not?

Rant from my Recent Trip: Written Friday Feb 12, 2016

We’re on a trip. 3 kids and myself spent over 8 hours driving through the great state of Texas. Yes, 8 hours of driving time averaging 80 mph and we never crossed into another state or country. Texas IS big; But that’s not what I’m writing about today.

So I’ve made this trip back home countless times. It’s not about ‘taking your time and seeing what’s along the way’ for me anymore. It’s about “get the ‘ell out’a my way” and getting there as quick as we can so we can spend quality time with family.

To wit, if we’re driving down a crowded two lane interstate, and you are in the left lane trying to pass someone, DO NOT pass at an annoying (to the rest of us behind you) +1 mph that than the vehicle you are passing! Along the same vein, If you’re in the left lane doing the speed limit or under and there is a line of cars trying to go faster, “get the ‘ell out’a the way”!

Don’t be that smug self-righteous ass-hat that feels you need to slow everyone down to the speed limit! You can be the cause of accidents, injuring someone and potentially cause the loss of someone’s life! If you haven’t noticed, the flow of traffic on the left lane of a highway/interstate/etc will find a happy point where everyone is going at a speed everyone if fairly comfortable with. Most of the time on Texas Interstates, this speed IS faster than the speed limit.

When you attempt to pass at a snails pace or just decide to do the speed limit or slower in the left lane, you force people to slow down, most of the time suddenly. When this happens, it starts a chain reaction of feet stepping on the brake pedal that could result in an accident!

DON’T BE THAT ASS-HAT!

Texas (& other states) have a law that basically says:
“The Texas Department of Transportation shall put up signs that say “Left Lane for Passing Only” whenever the department needs to replace signs that say “Slower Traffic Keep Right.”

The legislation in effect requires slower traffic to travel in a lane other than the left lane. Signs can be placed only on highways with more than one lane traveling in the same direction.””

While the law/signs don’t give speed demons “a license to speed”, I have been told by a DPS officer, they are not going to worry if the flow of traffic is over the speed limit. What they will concern themselves with are drivers acting in an unsafe manner.

Impeding traffic and causing people to slam their brake pedals can be unsafe!

Again, DON’T BE THAT ASS-HAT!

Not What I Wanted to Post

So I am trying to make sure that I post something substantial and meaty at least once a week. On a good week, you may even get some sides with that medium rare steak as I post up smaller tidbits here and there throughout the week.

This week though, it looks like I bit off more than I could chew (and unfortunately contained a chunk of gristle that’s taking more effort to chew down). The topic that’s been a lot on my mind lately requires a lot of thought to put down in a fashion that makes some sense. As it is right now, I have several paragraphs of  incoherent thoughts that are loosely related. Hopefully I will get some time this week(end) to translate it into something you can understand.

Until then, here are some thoughts from a very introspective time in my life a few years ago. These thoughts are what coalesced after coming to the realization that we can either take responsibility and learn from the bad choices and hurt we may have caused to those we care about, or we can continue on in life blaming others and never grow into a better person.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes in my life; and while I regret the pain they have caused to those I love and care for, I think I have finally come to the point where I regret none of them.

Why?

Some of the biggest mistakes have resulted in some of the best life changes I have made. I feel that eventually, I’ve always been able to learn from them and their consequences to make me a better person or better understand who I am.

I feel for those who never accept and learn from their mistakes. Those that feel they can sweep them under the rug and continue along like it never happened. They lie, twist truths, omit information or justify to save
themselves. They are in truth only lying to and hurting themselves. Preventing themselves from growing into a better person because of it and only leaving the door open to make the mistake again because there
were no consequences the first time.”

(The Sound of) One Man Clapping

Hey all. Welcome to my little experimentation of making my musings about life, love and the nature of the universe available to everyone and everything with an IP address. Here you will find my thoughts on everything and anything that feeds into the ocean of my mind, passes through the chaotic maelstrom of my sub-conscience and finds safe passage through the tumultuous straits of my waking consciousness.

You’ll get to read about my kids; but you won’t get your typical Dad Blog trope here. Love and Relationships? Yup, that also… but more than likely you’ll get to know about the trials, tribulations and joys of being polyamorous and the hard road of discovery to get here. Music; Check. Drumming and performing. Check; check! Motorcycles, riding and gear? Definitely!  All that and a steady dosage of rants, ravings and otherwise random discussions of what is on my mind when I have time to post.

Who am I? Well I am a mid-forties male that has gone through my fair share of life. A life not much different from yours (or yours). I have three kids, a divorce, a decent paying job, house in the ‘burbs and hobbies. I’m also the person that sat down a few years ago and started a deep introspection of myself, my flaws, my wants, my needs and my goals. Why? Because I had reached that point in life that I didn’t want to hurt people anymore; especially myself. & in order to do so, I had to figure out who I was at the time and what I needed to do to make myself a better person.

Am I succeeding? I’d like to think so. I think when you are honest with yourself, it’s a lot easier to be honest with other people. In turn, life and relationships (in all forms) get better. But you can be the judge yourself if I am succeeding or not. Since this blog will be a little self reflection and self documentation of my journey in life; you can let me know how I’m doing.

In return, I hope you can and will find something here that may help you in your journey through the chaos of life; even if it’s just a realization that you’re not alone in the bad and the good that comes our way.

So pour yourself a strong one (I suggest on the rocks, too many calories in mixers), buckle in and hope you can swim! Thanks for joining me and I hope you brought the bottle with you.